It was a lovely friday morning and taking advantage of such a day I set off on a run down the lovely 18th Street. I was running through people's yards (less impact, soft surface you know), not to far from the sidewalk when low and behold right smack dab in front of me was a glorious fence standing about 3 to 3 and 1/2 feet high. Naturally instead of running 10 ft to my right around the fence I said to myself "Oh yeah fence! It's on! I am so going to jump you!". Now for those of you who know me I'm not exactly the springy-est of fellows and 3 and 1/2 feet is pretty high, but never-the-less I courageously bolted for the fence.....shortly after followed by me wussing out and stopping right as I got to the fence. I said to myself "what the F matt, you're the biggest Fing pansy in the world. I can't believe you just stopped and made a fool out of yourself! You are such a wus!". And quite frankly everybody, I just wouldn't stand for it. I would not let this fence turn me into some pathetic coward! I turned back around with much determination and trotted back a good 20 to 30 paces, a good distance for a running start. I then faced the fence and ran at t like a mad man. Each stride more graceful than the a next as I torpedoed towards the fence. I took one last bound and planted my foot for the epic jump......which never actually occurred as my foot slipped sending me horizontal at high speeds. My two legs then preceded to smashed through the fence, much like you would imagine a cartoon breaking through a wall, as I slammed on my back into the ground. Epic, truly epic. I lay motionless with my two feet nestled in the newly situated fence. I thought to myself, "holy F if some one just saw that I bet it looked ridiculous." And brought to my attention a split second later it just so happened that some one did see it. "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! Did you just see that guy! OH MY GOD!" I hear from the other side of the fence. I lie there super jazzed about what just happened as the ultra excited/screaming man runs up to me and says, "Oh my god man! Are you okay? Do you need help?" At this point I'm thinking "probably yes, but not the kind ur offering". I tell him no and proceed to get up discovering probably the most ridiculous part of this story.
Now on my run along the street of 18th I probably ran by like one person within a two mile stretch, but it just so happened that on this paticular block where I attempted the most cunning leap ever was traveling a group of twenty or so Special Ed kids being led by adults to I guess a bus stop or something right next to where I was laying.

So let me recap:
These people just saw me run determinately towards a fence, hesitate, stop, turn back around, stare down the fence, sprint at the fence, slip, then bust through it legs first. I can only imagine that video of this would have made the front page of youtube.

So now what the F do I do. Do I go to these peoples house, knock on their door and say "excuse me mr./mam, I just happened to be running through your yard and jump kicked the shit out of your fence. high five!" thinking this would be possibly the most awkward thing in the world to do (second to busting through a fence in front of two dozen people) I choose to attempt to fix the fence I have just kicked two holes in. As I am doing this the large group has decided that their stopping destination is about 15 feet away from me. So welcome to my very own mother f*&%ing Home Improvement episode. In today's episode we learn how to make yourself look like the biggest Fing moron on the planet by careening into the side of a fence, break multiple boards apart, and then have bunches of people watch you try to fix it. = ) I see that the boards nails have come out and if I could just hammer them back in the fence would probably look pretty good. Unfortunately I have no hammer and begin to try to hammer them back in with my hand, then my shoe, neither of which i believe were designed for such a purpose. But holy golly! After a few minutes of tinkering the fence looked as good as new...or at least as good as, " hey that fence doesn't look like some random guy flew through it", which was good enough for me. Being quite satisfied with the events that had just taken place and the bravery I had shown, I stood tall, my heart swelling with pride, puffed my chest in the air with triumph and ran off into the sunset (or more accurately morning/mid-day partially sunny skies).

The moral of this story is: if you're going to jump a fence...and you feel unsure about it....make sure there are a lot of people watching you!

And that concludes story time with matt.